When a Relationship Ends
One of the most difficult things a person will experience on this planet called earth, is the end of a relationship, especially if that relationship was long-term. It is difficult because it easily becomes the thing by which we define ourselves, our purpose, and sometimes where we place our value and worth.
Though some may consider this strange, it is also common for the end of an abusive or toxic relationship to cause great sadness I suppose for the same reasons mentioned above albeit more complicated.
An article on Pinkvilla on how to rebuild after the end of a relationship got me thinking about my own experience with the demise of a relationship. I pondered what things have helped me heal along the way. So, I began to rummage my mind and arrived at the list below:
· Talking with people: I am so honored and grateful to God to be doing the kind of work I do. Because it gives me the opportunity to meet and talk to different people from different backgrounds. I am enlightened as they share with me their experiences and perspectives (a lot of times perspectives I have never considered!). I am always thoroughly replenished and strengthened by these in-depth and heartfelt conversations. I end a lot of these conversations first of all not wanting them to end, and second, with a warm and comforting feeling, which stems from knowing I am not alone; that a lot of what I am going through in my little corner has been experienced, overcome and lived through. Talking to people who are on the other side of their pain, talking to experts who share helpful and practical tips to cross over to the other side, empowers me to put one foot in front of the other, especially on those difficult days.
· Journaling: I picked up journaling in earnest in 2019. I had always thought people who journal did so because they had no one to talk to, but I realized that while I had people to talk to, and people who were always ready to listen, it was not enough. There were things I could not unpack before them; a range of emotions I did not fully understand so did not know how to articulate. More importantly, it was the personal realization that I needed to seat with the pain alone, feel it alone, cry over it alone and not always look for the closest person to dump it on.
Journaling has been so helpful; most of the emotional and mental heaviness I felt at the beginning is no more because journaling helped me process a lot of it.
There have been days where I have felt like I am not making progress but when I go back to my journal of a year ago, I am pleasantly surprised at the progress, as I see that the things I was dealing with in that space, no longer preoccupies me in my present time.
· Faith: When a relationship ends, it can feel like the sky is falling like you have lost direction and purpose. Then there is the fear of starting over, worries about what happens next, and finding where you fit in as this other person. The comforting thing for me as a person of faith is the confident assurance I have that I am not going through any of it alone, this faith is always a calm assurance for me. Seeing God as my Father and opening up on my fears and concerns in prayer helps me walk with new insights and strength. Prayer and scripture meditation have both been invaluable to my mental and emotional healing. Like the Carrie Underwood song, He has taken the wheel and I remind myself (daily) to rest in that knowledge.
· Music: The healing power of music is a known fact; how it helps individuals address physical, emotional, cognitive, and social needs. Music has been scientifically proven to reduce heart rate, lower blood pressure and cortisol in the body, as well as ease anxiety and help improve a person’s mood.
My choice of music cuts across genres, however, the rule of thumb is that it must be music that is positive, self-affirming, soothing, and feel-good. Music is something I do not deprive myself of, once I find myself wanting music or when a particular song comes to mind, I oblige.
The end of a relationship sets each of us on our respective journeys, however, I am of the opinion that if we surrender to the journey (though somewhat unpredictable) it could very well be the best thing that ever happened; as it opens up a whole new world of possibilities and greater relationship joys.
Remember that nothing changes except what has to.
